what am i doing… the words just suddenly came out of my mouth, or should i say they tried… they weren’t loud i didnt even… ” Fuck ” i was tired like really tired even though i over slept, it was about 10 and i should have been at work by now but there i was still in my bed, staring at the ceiling and noticing things that weren’t there before… things like, me fucking dave… ok what am i doing now it makes sense.
why did i do that, what am i if not selfish.. i used him… God who does that ! i wasnt like that, when did i start using people as a distraction. i hope he doesn’t hate.. ” what the ” i could pretty much think about this for hours but my phone was ringing… it was Jenna. ” hey ” i said picking up the phone . ” hey where are you ” jenna said with a concerned undertone ” where umm where am i ! ” i pretty much wishpered… ” i mean you didnt show ap at work today, running late ! ” said jenna ” no i.. im not comming ” i replied ” are you ok ! ” ” yeah im just… just a bit tired i said really stretching out the words ” oh ok umm take some rest and… be ok ” said Jenna ” i will… i will thanks ” i said and hung up the phone. phew.
God i should be at work but this feeling… this feeling that nothing in the world matters anymore isnt helping, truth be told i dont want to go there again… the place where i blacked out about 2 times, i hated it, i hated everything that reminded me of that feeling.. that hopeless helpless feeling. and now that im thinking about it im starting to hate myself too… ” FUCK me ” i said before deciding to get out of bed and i think i about did… but i dont know if it was laziness overwhelming tiredness or my fucking blackouts cause soon as i got up i fell right back on the bed and then… then came the same hopeless darkness ” fuck “
heya episode 7 comes to an end this one is umm less fun but aa its a novel so… the story has to go somewhere lol anywho i hope you like it i’ll see you in the next one till then byee love ya.